Somewhere,
in the middle of the day on THAT one day, I completely lost it. I shrunk into a
fetal-ish position on my living room floor in a heap of tears mumbling
something like “this isn't how it's supposed to go” … half crying, half falling
asleep.
We had a trip to Florida scheduled for the end of the week and hoped we would spend the vacation in Sunny Ft Lauderdale celebrating our good news. I suppose looking back swimming in warm waves, parasailing with Miles and alligator adventures together with mom as well as attending the Miami Heat NBA Finals Game 2 were fantastic distractions for us from falling into the depths of despair. Thank you Mom for the fabulous gift of this trip together.
I would be lying though if I did not think of it often and long for the knowledge of that baby no longer with me. I would also be lying if I did not think of the lil frozen embryo waiting in a deep freezer in Seattle for our next round. A couple times while in Florida I received phone calls from my doctor and nurses at SRM scheduling appointments and medicines to get me ready for round 2. I remember feeling a little jaded and none so eager to start up the process over again. Where is the hope? We wanted the last baby to work. Doctors said the chances were great. The best. What now? What am I possibly supposed to think now? I did not like the idea of waiting more either. A WHOLE MONTH? THE END OF JULY??? Seriously? I cried thinking that my lil frozen baby, our “Polar Baby” was locked away in a freezer for a whole month. I did not like that thought. So many emotions. So many tears. I just did not want to be excited about the next step. More shots, adding patches, adding pills. Quadrupling the hormones. Will it help? How can it possibly make a difference?
I will update when it is time to put in Polar Baby. NO-MORE-DEAMING.—For now.
We had a trip to Florida scheduled for the end of the week and hoped we would spend the vacation in Sunny Ft Lauderdale celebrating our good news. I suppose looking back swimming in warm waves, parasailing with Miles and alligator adventures together with mom as well as attending the Miami Heat NBA Finals Game 2 were fantastic distractions for us from falling into the depths of despair. Thank you Mom for the fabulous gift of this trip together.
I would be lying though if I did not think of it often and long for the knowledge of that baby no longer with me. I would also be lying if I did not think of the lil frozen embryo waiting in a deep freezer in Seattle for our next round. A couple times while in Florida I received phone calls from my doctor and nurses at SRM scheduling appointments and medicines to get me ready for round 2. I remember feeling a little jaded and none so eager to start up the process over again. Where is the hope? We wanted the last baby to work. Doctors said the chances were great. The best. What now? What am I possibly supposed to think now? I did not like the idea of waiting more either. A WHOLE MONTH? THE END OF JULY??? Seriously? I cried thinking that my lil frozen baby, our “Polar Baby” was locked away in a freezer for a whole month. I did not like that thought. So many emotions. So many tears. I just did not want to be excited about the next step. More shots, adding patches, adding pills. Quadrupling the hormones. Will it help? How can it possibly make a difference?
I will update when it is time to put in Polar Baby. NO-MORE-DEAMING.—For now.
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