Not the Answer We Anticipated.

Miles and I got very disappointing news today.  Our last IVF cycle embryo transfer did not work. Polar Baby who we introduced to you yesterday did not make it.  We are not pregnant, and it was the only remaining embryo. Broken hearted and devastated doesn’t even begin to cover the emotions we are feeling right now.  The waiting now seems like the easy part. We were NOT anticipating this to be our answer.  We are now working through the questions. The overwhelming place where the future (with our dreams a part of it) seems too far away, too distant for hope, to ever reach.  It seems too far on the horizon to allow hope to sink into the cracks of doubt.  This heartache is literally hard to swallow. I find myself caught between wanting to vomit from sheer sadness or hyperventilating from too many tears and not enough air to breath in to balance the emotion coming out. Questions linger of what is the next step? Is there one?  How many more “rejections” or “no’s” can I sustain?  How do I know what God is saying “enough”?  Even if they are still our dreams on the line, we want His will, and His will only.  Could that mean no family? Is that really possible? Our hearts are desperately sad. 

Miles and I cannot thank you enough for your loving words, encouragement, and most of all pleading prayers before God on our behalf for the past months. We have been sustained by our Heavenly Father through several losses now, and we know He will continue to sustain us through this. Please continue to pray for strength and a peace that surpasses understanding as we face choices in the days ahead and deal with our hopes again being unfulfilled.